Heartache, Heartsease
by Daalny
Summary: An A/U of sorts early in Season 4
1. Chapter 1

Heartache, that was the word that best described the state of Isobel Crawley. She was alive, she went about her days because there was nothing else she could do. Crying intensified the ache in her chest. Days after Matthew had been killed she felt the ache in her chest and was comforted by the fact that she would soon die. When death didn't come she realized that her pain was grief. Sheer grief!

She was familiar with grief, or at least she thought she was. She had lost her husband and her parents and had suffered greatly. She knew that losing a child was different especially one so young since you also mourned the promise of what they could have done. Compounded on this was "the family". She had wanted to see George and had been turned away.

Tonight her feet were crunching along and she found herself at the Abbey on a whim she rang the bell.

Lady Grantham was idling, she had heard the whispers about Nanny West. Yet today when she had covertly spied on them everything seemed fine. She heard the bell and since she was near the door she opened it herself. "Isobel, please come in."

"Thank you." She said softly

Cora was concerned, Isobel looked haggard. The normally unflappable woman seemed a like a husk. Carson neared and took Isobel's coat, "Would you care for a drink?" He asked. Isobel suddenly felt like an intruder, "I just wanted to know if I could see George."

Cora was more concerned, "Of course you can."

Isobel turned to Lady Grantham in confusion, "But the other day?"

Anger flared in Cora's eyes and she turned towards the staircase and Isobel followed. The stairs were traversed quickly and soon they were outside the nursery. Cora signaled for silence and Isobel obeyed. Both strained their hearing but it was not necessary for Nanny West was heard along with the children crying quietly

_There, there, my precious boy, and don't let that chauffeur's daughter disturb you any more. Go back to sleep, you wicked little cross-breed._

The door burst open and Cora went to Sybbie in her crib and quickly scooped her up.

"Your ladyship I didn't see you there." The rotund woman rasped

"Obviously not." Cora replied her gaze piercing, "I want you to pack tonight and leave first thing in the morning. You are not to touch the children again."

Nanny West was trying to minimize the damage quickly donning a false smile and began rocking George more forcefully. "I was just er I was just having a game with Miss Sybbie!"

"Give me my grandson." Isobel grated out with her arms extended and George was quickly handed over.

With the children safe Cora yanked on the call cord and not long after Mrs. Hughes arrived.

"Mrs. Hughes, Nanny West will be leaving us in the morning and I was wondering if you could find her a place to sleep for the night. She is not to be left alone with the children." Cora's words were icily clear.

Isobel was surprised at the calmness in Lady Grantham's voice. However, after years of dealing with flirtatious Lords and drunk Ladies she could possibly tell the Prime Minister to piss off without him taking offense.

"I'll stay tonight." Isobel declared.

"Shall I make a room?" Mrs. Hughes asked.

Isobel turned to look at the young girl in her grandmother's arms and the small boy in her own. "No thank you, what I mean is I will stay _here_."

"Very well." Mrs. Hughes extended her arm in the direction of the door indicating the direction that Nanny West should go.

Despite the ugly scene Isobel felt some of her ache diminish, it hadn't been "the family" that had kept her away it had been this vile excuse for a woman. She hoped that Sybbie was young enough not to comprehend the ugliness spewing from her mouth then a sick thought struck her. "We should call Doctor Clarkson."

Cora came beside her, "What for?"

Isobel swallowed, "What if words weren't her only action?"

Cora blanched and held her granddaughter tighter.

Doctor Clarkson was ushered to the Abbey yet the reason he was there had not been disclosed. As he climbed the stairs he noted that he was going to wing containing the nursery. Upon entering he found two children and two grandmothers. Isobel quickly informed Doctor Clarkson what had transpired.

Isobel watched as Richard's face seemed to turn to stone. If that woman had touched Sybbie Branson or any child for that matter she should be dragged out and paraded through the Village in modified form of the Skimmington Ride! He forced these feelings down and he remembered that both children had exams for their weight and growth. Nothing had been untoward then. Since Sybbie was on Lady Grantham's lap knelt in front of her. He held his hands out and then flipped them so his palm was down and then up. He did this a few times until Sybbie copied his movements. As she turned her hands he could see that there was no bruising on her forearms. He gestured to Lady Grantham to move up the hem of the nightgown. As Cora complied Clarkson stood and kicked out his legs one at a time. Again he did this until Sybbie copied his movements. All of them could see there was no bruising. A quick peek at the ventral and dorsal surfaces revealed no bruising.

Sybbie clapped her hands in merriment, now this had been a game!

Clarkson stood and went to the door. George had fallen asleep and Isobel quietly set him down while Cora gently placed Sybbie down telling her she would fetch some cocoa.

In the hall Dr. Clarkson spoke calmly, "In my medical opinion she is in fine health. She hasn't been touched and before you ask we can check her records from her prior visits-there was no bruising I would've said."

Cora deflated at his words and her hand flew to her mouth. She had lost her daughter and her mind was going to nasty places as to what _could_ have happened with her granddaughter. Isobel's hand went to her back trying to soothe.

"May I suggest cocoa for yourself with rum in it Lady Grantham?" Clarkson commanded softly.

She nodded, she could have rung for it but instead she went down to the kitchen's instead. No doubt she needed the time to compose herself. Isobel stuck her head back into the nursery and saw Sybbie playing with some toys while George slept. The sight brought forth the ache again but more intense. She returned her gaze back to Richard who was looking at her intently. Her chest felt tight, almost as if she was being squeezed by the snakes she had read about when she was young. On her next inhale her breath hitched and it captured his full attention.

"Isobel?" He asked.

She couldn't respond she for it felt as if her lungs couldn't process oxygen and parts of her body were starting to tingle as if she had immersed them in an ice bath.

"I can't feel my hands." She gasped.

_Panic Attack_ Richard's mind supplied. He needed to get her breathing under control before she passed out. She needed to hold her breath for a longer period to slow her breathing and calm her heart. He held her now shaking hands in one of his own while his other hand went palm down on the very top of her chest right below her neck. "Slow your breathing."

She tried but couldn't, he pressed his palm more firmly she let the point of contact focus her. While she did take some slower breaths more was needed before she passed out. Richard knew that panic attacks could spiral. Anxiety causing fear which lead to more anxiety and more fear! The hand holding both of hers went to the back of her head gently anchoring in her hair and he pulled her gently to him and kissed her.

With his mouth covering hers it would force her breathing to slow.

With his palm on her chest he could feel her heart rate slow. He broke the kiss and found her eyes less clouded by fear. Richard kept his hands where they were and felt the rhythm of her chest fall into something more steady.

Both heard the footfalls on the stairs and Richard let his hands fall by his sides. Lady Grantham appeared with a mug and from her face it was a safe bet that she had had a measure of _something_ while downstairs. She breezed by both to give her granddaughter the drink.

"May I drive you home?" Richard asked.

"No" At her answer he froze and she quickly added, "Before you arrived I had made the decision to stay here tonight."

Pride swept through him, that was _his_ Isobel!

Cora appeared, "Please make use of whatever you wish."

Doctor Clarkson knew that this wasn't the time but from the look on Isobel's face there would be a time!

Isobel nodded to Cora before turning back toward him,"Can you come collect me in the morning Richard?"

She had just called him Richard and Lady Grantham hadn't noticed, "Yes, I have rounds at eight will seven suffice?"

"Yes." She acknowledged.

"Sleep well." He admonished before picking up his bag and navigating the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Sybbie merely had a sip of her cocoa and Cora didn't seem to mind. With George already asleep it didn't take long for Sybbie to follow. The two grandmothers left the nursery, Lady Grantham indicated that Isobel should follow. Isobel soon found herself amongst clothes and realized that Cora was letting her choose one of her own nightgowns to borrow. Feeling like an interloper she chose the first one she came to and hugged it to her chest.

"I'm of the opinion that we should keep this to ourselves." Cora declared.

"I agree! I have heard some disgusting things in my time but what that woman said…"

Cora nodded, "Good thing the guns are locked up!"

They shared a laughed before Isobel turned to leave and Cora blurted. "Did you think that we would keep you from George?"

Isobel turned, "Yes, No...I don't know." She said as she tilted her head up towards the ceiling. Cora could see that Isobel was fighting back tears. She had seen this look on her own face after Sybil had died. Cora had had the luxury of lashing out at Robert, who could Isobel lash out at?

"Are you sure you want to sleep in the nursery? I'm sure one of the maids would be more than willing." Cora said softly.

"Yes, I'm sure." Isobel nodded and again turned to leave.

Cora let her but a part of her was worried and she had no clue as to what to do about it.

Isobel ducked into an unoccupied bedroom and changed out of her dress and put on the nightgown. She carried her folded clothes into the nursery and placed them on a chair. It had been a long time since Isobel had spent the night with children. The soft sighs of George and Sybbie were soothing. Nearing two George woke and needed his napkin changed which Isobel did quickly and efficiently. Her hands remembered how to tuck in the edges so there would be no chaffing. When she got back into bed she found she couldn't return to sleep. Even the rhythms of the children were not enough to quiet her mind.

The incident with Sybbie ran through her mind and she found herself turning cold. So much so that she pulled the blanket higher. It was a fact that people only saw the bad in other people. She remembered one of her classmates. Her mother had been French while her father was English and had been a highly decorated doctor. When Marie was talked about people always emphasized that she was Half-French it was never that she was Half-English. Sybbie would be forever branded by the fact that her father was Irish and a chauffeur.

Matthew's voice seemed to drift beside her.

_He was by the window in Crawley House the sunlight making his blonde hair blaze like a halo, "I won't let them change me."_

_"Why would they want to?" She remembered saying almost not sure where the conversation was going._

_"Mother, Lord Grantham has made the unwelcome discovery that heir is a middle-class lawyer and son of a middle-class doctor." He said gently._

_Upper middle-class! She had corrected._

_Matthew sighed, "He'll have to limit the damage by turning me into me into one of his own kind."_

Was that the fate for Sybbie? Here at Downton she could be groomed into the perfect woman but she would always be known first as the chauffeur's daughter! Would George be able to pick any profession that sparked his passion? The answer was no! Matthew had loved the law and had given it up. _Matthew_! Her cheeks were wet as tears streaked down her face. She was mindful of the children and sobbed into her fist.

Since she wasn't able to sleep she put back on her clothes and sat in the chair by the window. It was east facing so she had gorgeous view of the sunrise. What should have been awe-inspiring was banal and she turned away from the sight. Slowly she heard doors opening and footfalls on the stairs. No doubt the servants were up. A soft knock on her door revealed Mrs. Hughes, the woman never ceased to amaze Isobel. Not a hair was out of place and she looked refreshed. Did she ever sleep?

In the housekeepers hand was a cup of tea, "Her Ladyship had asked that tea to be brought to you."

"Thank you Mrs. Hughes." Isobel said genuinely as she took the cup. It would be another three quarters of an hour before Richard would come to collect her.

She was offered breakfast but denied it, she wasn't hungry, Cora saw this and again felt a pang of concern. When Carson finally appeared with Richard behind him Isobel felt relieved and Cora saw the change in the woman's face. Last night had not been what she expected but then again the last six months, the last six years had not been what either of them had expected.

Isobel put down the teacup and then had a thought, was this a teacup that Matthew had touched? Had his own lips touched this particular piece of china. With all it's grandeur and majesty the abbey suddenly felt confining and she wanted to leave! From his position Clarkson could see the tension starting to rise within her. Isobel strode determinably toward the door, Richard's long legs allowed him to keep pace with her. Once out on the drive and the door closed behind them did she stop and sighed harshly.

He was next to her in an instant. "Isobel?"

"I can't, I can't seem to breathe!" She muttered as she ran her hands around her neck pulling on her collar.

He came closer to her, "Listen to my voice. Close your eyes."

Isobel felt silly but at this moment she willing to do _anything_ to breathe so she obeyed.

His voice landed richly in her ear, "Imagine a birthday cake in front of you. Candles are lit, you have to get them all." She could picture the cake in her mind, a round chocolate one. Richard could see her mouth twitch in smirk and knew she was ready.

"Blow out the candles." He whispered.

He watched as she took a deep breath before exhaling in a fine stream she even moved her head to the side as if she missed a candle in off to the side. When she opened her eyes she felt calmer and her chest didn't feel as constricted. The claustrophobic feelings of panic receded, she could maintain herself for a bit longer. Clarkson strode towards the car and opened up the passenger door. She climbed in and once she was secured he pulled the door closed. The clang made her jump and Richard saw this and knew that the fuse had been lit sometime ago. The problem was he had no clue as to how long the fuse was. How long would it be before she exploded?

From the window Cora saw Isobel freeze on the drive and Dr. Clarkson say something to her to get her moving again. Her concern morphed into worry. Isobel Crawley, the woman who could singlehandedly save the world was in need of saving.


	3. Chapter 3

She asks him to take her back to Crawley House and he notes that she calls it that-Crawley House not home. She'll have time to bathe and change clothes before the hospital, if she comes at all.

"Thank you for coming last night. I don't know why I didn't check Sybbie myself." She said shaking her head as if she had made the most monumental error.

"I was glad to come. When it's a child I'll drop anything." He delivered.

Isobel snorted and said plainly, "you drop anything when anyone is hurt." She remembered how he had ran to aid Thomas Barrow at the Fair.

"We're all somebody's child." He rebuked as he stared straight ahead through the windscreen.

His words were true and they stung! Richard was watching her out of the corner of his eye seeing if his words had any reaction. When she turned to stare outside the window he knew they had. This was a start, she had been wandering around like a zombie for months. Did she feel anything at all?

He remembered the kiss they shared last night or more correctly he had kissed her last night. She hadn't mentioned it and he wasn't going to bring it up. Crawley House loomed and Isobel nearly leapt from the car while it was still moving. The fuse was still burning.

Cora had called upon her Mother-in-law and the Dowager Countess did not refuse. For Cora to come to her for help meant there was something terribly wrong. She received her daughter-in-law in her drawing room.

"Come sit down my dear, have some tea and tell me what is the matter." She said augmenting her statement with a wave of her arm.

While Cora and Isobel had agreed this matter was to be kept to themselves Cora found herself telling Violet about Nanny West. She watched as Violet banged her teacup forcefully on the saucer. Then Cora began describing Isobel, and her worry for the woman.

Violet was sympathetic yet practical, what could they do beyond what they were already doing?

"I'll persuade her to dinner." Violet finally answered.

Nodding Cora brought her teacup up to take a sip but then seemed to think better of it. "There is another option, Doctor Clarkson."

Violet made a face, "She isn't suffering physically."

Cora set down her teacup, it was time to put her cards on the table so to speak. "They're colleagues, friends actually. I think it would be beneficial if we encourage them to be together."

"Romantically?" Bristled Violet.

"I think we should invite Dr. Clarkson to events that she will be at so there will be a familiar face is what I am saying." Cora said trying to contain her enthusiasm at her idea.

Violet thinned her lips and smiled more like grimaced, "So will you be inviting the good doctor to your party then?"

Cora felt a chill sweep through her, Doctor Clarkson at the House Party with the Lords and Ladies?

Violet saw her face and kept quiet, it seemed Cora hadn't considered all the possibilities of her idea. Isobel Crawley could and should be invited to Downton Abbey for the gathering at least part of it. Richard Clarkson, the local country doctor was not even on the bottom of the list. Did he even own white tie?

Cora picked up her tea so she could hide her face behind it.

News of the party at Downton was spreading through the village. Richard had heard about it from one of his patients a gardener who was providing flowers for the event. As he stitched up the man's arm he inwardly sighed. Isobel had said nothing about it. Then again she had cloistered herself in the stockroom. With her white apron on and amongst all the white porcelain basins and jugs she seemed to disappear. Her complexion had always been fair but now she looked pale. When was the last time she ate?

He was surprised when she invited him to dinner. He readily agreed, at least he would know when she had some sustenance. When the appointed evening came he saw that she was resplendent in black and it seemed to heighten her paleness. She picked at her food, she cut a piece of her chicken and pushed it around the plate. Nonetheless, she did manage to swallow a few bites. Richard forced his own meal down, he wanted so badly to take her in his arms and have her break. Have her scream, have her cry, shout at him, hit him! Do anything than what she was doing at the moment-Nothing.

She wasn't in denial, she knew her son was dead. If she were angry he would know it. What she was in was a deep depression. He would have to descend deep to find her. The silverware was set down and dinner was over. However, there were still social niceties to complete. He followed her when she stood and went to the drawing room, it was time for coffee. As she walked through the door he spoke of the information he had gleaned from the gardener he had treated. It was time to descend. "I gather the Abbey is once more to be a scene of great splendour. Are you going up there for any of it?"

If she was surprised at his knowledge she doesn't show it instead she moves toward a small table to pour the coffee, "I'm supposed to go for dinner on the last night. To hear Melba sing."

She quickly pours his before handing him his cup and saucer. He takes the offering before picking up a spoon and gently stirring his coffee, "Oh, I envy you. But you don't sound very glad."

Isobel turned towards him coffee pot still in hand, "I don't want them to spend their days in Stygian gloom. I really don't. They say "life must go on" and of course it must."

Richard took a deep breath before answering, "But it seems disloyal to Matthew"

Her head snaps up at his words, "Not disloyal exactly." Her words are nearly delivered through clenched teeth and she turns back to her own cup. This conversation is not one she wants to have at the moment and she feels angry. Her anger breaks through her sadness and her hand shakes so much so that she pours the hot coffee onto her hand and not the cup.

Richard's eyes go wide as he watches, Isobel herself is stunned. It should hurt but it doesn't in fact she stares in fascination at her hand which is quickly turning red. Richard drops his own cup, striding forward and immediately encircles her wrist in his hands. She is lead to the nearest tap where the burn is cooled.

Isobel whispers, "It doesn't hurt."

He had thought that this might be it, that this might be the end of the fuse but he was wrong. "Not yet it doesn't." He replied.

Isobel was not convinced, she had burned herself before and had felt it. Her hand was moved out from the water and as the air hit her skin she hissed. It hurt _now_.

At her grimace Richard put her hand back under the stream of water and his shoulders sagged in relief. She could still come back, he would make it his mission to get her back. He expelled a shaky breath and she tilted her head to look at him. As he returned her gaze he could see a flicker in her brown eyes. He turned inward his movement causing his own sleeve to come in contact with the water but he didn't care. He bent his head and kissed her lips. This time Isobel saw his intent and met him. Her own lips parting slightly in greeting. Heavy breathing, the sound of lips meeting and running water made a concert so fine that anyone would be moved by it.

She felt more pressure on her lips and parted them welcoming Richard's tongue. He tasted of the coffee she had just burned herself with and she wanted to laugh. Richard's tongue flicked against hers and she moaned.

There was a bang behind them and they sprang apart, it was Lucy the maid. "Is everything alright? There's spilt coffee and a broken cup on the floor!"

Richard spoke, "Mrs. Crawley spilled some coffee on her hand and scalded it. I'm cooling the burn with water, could you possibly fetch some ice?"

"Of course" Lucy said before scurrying off execute Dr. Clarkson's orders.

There was no way the salvage the moment. Isobel turned her gaze back to her hand. She no longer looked pale though, she had a healthy rose tint to her cheeks.

_I'll find you yet._ Richard thought.


	4. Chapter 4

The burn was cooled, the cup and coffee cleaned up. When Richard left Crawley House Isobel was actually saddened to see him go. What had happened between them? Her lips turned up as she remembered the kiss. The man could _kiss! _At her feeling of happiness she thought of Matthew. She didn't deserve to be happy. She climbed into bed hoping for a dreamless sleep.

Violet Crawley the Dowager Countess of Grantham was in her car and spied a forlorn figure. At first she thought it was Isobel Crawley yet the woman wouldn't walk like that. When she realized that is was Mrs. Crawley she frantically yelped at her chauffeur. "Please stop a moment."

In front of her Isobel heard the brakes of a car engage and saw one come to a stop. Out shot Cousin Violet. Isobel shook her head not quite believing what she was seeing. Normally the whole village would stop for her. Looking over her shoulder Isobel was trying to find the individual who she was rushing toward. When she saw none she swallowed.

"Oh, so glad I caught you!" Cousin Violet said in a rush.

"Is something the matter?" Isobel demanded.

"No, I just wanted to know if you were coming to dinner tonight?"

Isobel resisted the urge to sigh, "I'm coming in a few days, for the performance."

"Oh, good. Will you come tonight though? I don't want to my ear talked off by the duchess." Violet nearly whined.

Isobel smirked, and Violet knew she had won.

"I'll pick you up." Violet declared and went back to her car. Once inside she told her driver to take her to the Abbey.

Cora was surprised, she knew her Mother-in-law held sway but she had always thought that Isobel was the opposing force and that they would cancel each other out! Isobel was coming tonight! She quickly made arrangements with Carson for her to be seated next to Tom. Hopefully she would have a good time!

At the dinner it was evident that some were having a good time. Lady Mary's laugh tinkled like a silver Bell and Isobel felt numb.

"It's good to see her laugh. I don't remember the last time" Tom said genuinely.

Nodding dumbly she murmured, "I know. And I don't want her to spend her life in sorrow, she's not the Lady of Shalott. It's just I find it hard to join in the merry-making."

Tom put down his napkin, "We haven't all been making merry."

Isobel sighed, save for losing a child Tom had been through what she had. "But you see what it comes down to in the end is this nice Lord Gillingham and Sir John over there, and him and him and you…you're all alive. My son's dead."

Tom reached out to touch her hand but got no response. Across the table Violet saw this and shot a look to Cora. Lady Grantham saw the look in her mother-in-law's eye that said_ Let's do it your way._

After dinner Cora went to Tom and found him shaken, "That woman was so full of life and now she's like a corpse! It's as if she's forgotten how to be happy...I'm worried." Tom huffed.

_So am I_ thought Cora. She assured him that everything would be all right. Covertly she found Anna and asked for Mr. Bates.

When her husband's valet appeared she grinned, if anyone could help it would be John Bates.

"You asked for me your Ladyship?" He asked his voice as smooth as ever.

Cora motioned for him to walk with her, "Yes, I have a covert job for you." Lady Grantham wasn't stupid and she knew of only _one_ way that Isobel could find happiness again.

At her words Bates's interest was piqued.

The next morning after Bates had attended to his Lordship's needs he quietly left Downton and boarded the Red Coach for Ripon. Upon arriving at his destination he found the shop he was looking for and went inside.

Cora was currently on a picnic with some of the other women who were staying at Downton. What should have been a charming afternoon had her restless. She had been holding onto the same biscuit for nearly ten minutes, yet to have taken a bite. One of the women said something amusing and she smiled and nodded politely not having a clue as to what was said. Knowing what gossips the other servants could be Bates decided to deliver the news personally. It was a good walk and with Mary riding with Lord Gillingham he was accompanied by Anna.

Anna was vibrating with anticipation, "are you going to tell me where you went today?"

Beside him his wife was wheedling, "Maybe."

Anna punched him playfully before threading his arm through his. She began guessing where he went and he merely laughed at some of her predictions.

Cora saw Mr. and Mrs. Bates and held her breath, Mr. Bates simply nodded with a grin and finally Cora took a bite out of her biscuit.

That night as Cora was being dressed she felt anxious. She didn't notice her hair being done or the tiara being placed. She made her way downstairs where the guests were milling about before dinner. An arrival made her look up it was Violet and Cousin Isobel. This anxiety continued until anger replaced it at her husband's actions. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, and from Carson to boot!

She hissed at her husband, "Robert, a world famous singer is in our house. A great artist, honored by the King. But you felt it beneath your dignity to eat with her? Am I the only member of this family who lives in the 20th Century? You will have her next to you at dinner, and you will like it!"

Carson went to comply, no doubt grumbling about rearranging the table-again!

Cora gestured to Bates who went downstairs to the servants hall.

Richard wanted to sleep, he was tired. As fate would have it the telephone rang, he picked it up and listened.

John Bates was waiting by the servant's entrance, when he heard the sound of footsteps outside he opened the door. "Please come inside Doctor."

Clarkson pinched the bridge of his nose, "Where is my patient?"

"Upstairs, but first if you would come with me." Bates said soothingly.

Richard followed the valet until he found himself in what seemed to be a small bedroom. On the bed before him were two boxes. "For you to heal your patient you need to change." Bates informed.

This was confusing yet at his time at the Abbey stranger things had happened. Richard lifted the lid on the smaller box and found black dress shoes, the larger box was opened and after the carefully parted the tissue paper he found the box contained the uniform of white tie.

Richard closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his face. Bates took pity on him and moved behind him to help him remove his suit jacket. "Let me help you with that Doctor."

Ten minutes later an expertly costumed Richard Clarkson ascended the stairs of the servants hall followed by Mr. Bates. The Valet pushed up a door and motioned for the doctor to go through. He was soon one amongst many men dressed the same, he scanned the crowd. He saw her in a corner standing next to a woman he didn't know and from the look on her face neither did she.

Isobel was regretting her decision to come, whoever this woman was she was in love with her own voice! She silently hoped for an earthquake or some other natural disaster so this evening could be over.

She heard her name and turned, it wasn't an earthquake, it was something better. The woman who had been speaking saw the look the two were giving one another and quickly excused herself.

"Richard, is that you?" Isobel asked.

"Would you like it to be?" He asked back.

"Oh yes." She whispered.

He held out his hand and she took it. Cora saw the exchange from where she was sitting and sighed. Dame Nellie had also appeared and soon the gong sounded. It was time for dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

Robert had resigned himself to a dull evening beside the opera singer. Music lessons had not been his or his sister Rosamund's delight as child and both were happy when they were able to abandon them. He bit his cheek when he realized that he had bullied his own daughters with music lessons. Only Edith had taken it up and still played the piano to this day. An arm appeared with a bottle he knew well and he couldn't wait to have a drink. Beside him Dame Nellie partook of her own glass and praised it. Upon hearing that she too studied wine Robert felt a glimmer of hope. Wine he knew! Carson surveyed his table, already today he had had to add another seating. Lady Grantham had instructed him that Isobel Crawley was going to have a new guest beside her. Seats had to be shuffled, and now he had to add _another_ chair for the Dame. Charles Carson considered himself more like a mathematician than a butler and despised it when his equation was unbalanced. However, like any good mathematician he could find the solution eventually.

Isobel felt lightheaded, secretly it had been her wish for him to come but now that he was here she was at a loss of what to do. She thought back to their last encounter when he had kissed her and before that here in the Abbey when he had guided her through her panic attack he had touched her lips with his own. Subconsciously she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and sucked on it.

His finery was crisp, it looked brand new. She knew he had black tie and an array of Army Dress Uniforms but this was something she had never seen. How did he come to be here tonight?

Richard had hoped his presence would go unnoticed that he would just be passed off as another Lord who had been late to the Grantham's party. With Lord Grantham chatting about claret to Dame Nellie he hadn't been identified. Not even the servants had noticed him and Lady Cora merely acknowledged him with a smile.

Isobel was unsure of whether to have a sip of wine lest it intensify the feeling she had. Richard had no such qualms and took a sip from his own glass. Isobel watched as a drop of the red liquid clung to his lips and his tongue darted out to catch it. She was transfixed and remembered she had had that very tongue in her own mouth! The lightheadedness fled and she felt a new feeling that she couldn't describe. She reached for her own wine, the flavor of it was full and seemed to burst on her tongue. Her senses were a light! Taking a bite of her food she found she could actually taste different flavors. She put her fork down in shock.

"Are you all right?" Richard asked beside her.

She turned to him and saw him, truly saw him. He was a man sitting next to her, dressed finely _for her. _He was at this mad dinner _for her_. And if she would let him he would _love_ her. He watched as she reached for her wine and noticed her hand was shaking. She managed to retrieve her drink and she took a sip she knew he was still waiting for an answer.

"I'm not sure." She said as she regarded him.

Richard knew she was telling the truth and he also knew that soon she would be at her breaking point. Too much had happened and the fuse was nearing it's end.

Bates found himself back in the servants hall, it would be a while before he would be needed for his Lordship. He walked back into the room where Doctor Clarkson had changed and bent down to pick up his shoes. As he returned to vertical he emitted a small grunt, it was the sundown effect as Clarkson had put it. Bates' pain was more manageable in the morning and grew worse through the day. His stint in prison had made him more aware of aches and pains and when he was released he dutifully did the stretches that the doctor had recommended in the first place. With the party he had forgotten his stretches last night, he wouldn't tonight. He made his way to the boot room and found some polish to match the doctor's shoes. He sat at the table and set to work.

Anna found him, "You polishing shoes at this time of night?"

He smiled, "These are Doctor Clarkson's"

Anna moved to set beside her husband on the bench, "Does this have something of why you went to Ripon?"

As he moved his cloth in small circles he decided it was time to tell her, "Lady Cora enlisted me to help save someone."

"Doctor Clarkson?" Anna asked as she indicated to the shoes.

John shook his head, "No, Doctor Clarkson is the one who is going to save Isobel Crawley he just needs a few things from us to do it."

"Mrs. Crawley?" Anna said in disbelief.

Sighing John put the shoe and cloth down and turned to face his wife. "She hasn't coped well, we all think she has but she hasn't. I know the defeat in her eyes, I saw it in inmates while I was in prison. It wasn't the fact that I was innocent that got me through prison it was _you_. Mrs. Crawley needs Doctor Clarkson but she won't admit it. She's here now amongst all that lot upstairs surrounded by people but isolated the loneliest person imaginable. Clarkson has no business being here, not at the table. Lady Cora wanted to change that, she had me go to Ripon and purchase all the complete set of white tie. Tails, shoes, shirt, trousers...the lot. We used the telephone to get him here, told him someone was hurt but didn't say who. By now the nightshift is on duty at the hospital so all should be well."

Anna looked up at the ceiling her mouth open in a happy smile, "So he's up there right now? With her?"

"Yes, sitting next to her. Together they are probably being bored out of their minds by the drivel being spewed by the upper crust but they are together. Perhaps she can see if he is with her now he can be with her at other times." He delivered before moving his hand back to finish the other shoe.

Anna's hands came up and covered his, she leaned in and kissed him. Anna's kisses were something that John Bates cherished for he knew how close he had come to never having them again. When she pulled away she asked, "Can I help?"


	6. Chapter 6

Isobel wanted dinner to be over for other reasons. Her body felt as though it was awakening. She likened it to when a foot fell asleep and blood flow was returned with it the feeling of pins and needles. She was hyper-aware of him, she could hear him breathing, smell his soap and she knew if she touched him that her skin could register all the subtleties of the fabric he was wearing.

It was becoming unbearable she wanted to rise and walk around knowing it would bring more pain but sitting still was painful as well! The tingling was more like stabbing and her breathing hitched on the inhale. Richard glanced beside him and could see that she was having problems keeping her emotions in check. The fuse was shortening, _soon_. The murmuring at the table had increased, the food was done it was time to go through for coffee and brandy before the concert.

Others began moving and Isobel stood albeit a little shakily, the change from sitting to standing made if feel as though she had been pulled through a hedge full of brambles. Richard was at her side and placed his hand on her elbow to steady her. John Bates had quietly made his way into the dining hall to see if Lord Grantham needed anything. To his great relief, Lord Robert was actually sad to see dinner over, he had been enjoying his conversation. Bates's eyes then swept over to Doctor Clarkson and Mrs. Crawley...something was wrong.

Richard was trying to get Isobel out of the dining hall but where could they go? The answer came when Mr. Bates strode up and whispered into Clarkson's ear _South Gallery open door_. Isobel was led willingly by Richard and the two were able to navigate the stairs. The glass door separating the main wing from the south gallery was pushed open and Richard saw one of the bedroom doors open. Inside was spacious bedroom decorated in muted floral shades. The carpet absorbed the sound of their feet and Richard reached out blindly to swing shut the door.

Isobel was shaking but it wasn't from panic, "what's wrong with me?" She asked as her hand swiped ineffectually at the tears that were now streaming down her face,

Richard came up to her and held her from behind, his strong arms anchoring her against the tremors. He kissed her temple, "Nothing, nothing is wrong with you."

She turned in his arms and cried against his chest. Relief swept through him, she was finally feeling and he was here to pick up the pieces. He could feel her sobs and welcomed it he dropped kisses into her hair and whispered, "I love you."

At his declaration she cried harder and he repeated it over and over.

After what seemed like an eternity she looked up at him and ran her hands over his chest still clad in fine fabric. "You came for me, wore this too!"

"Anything, I would go anywhere, do anything." He said sagely.

The sensation of pins and needles was still there and she grimaced, it actually hurt to feel! Richard did the only thing he could think of-he kissed her. As their lips battled hands were busy finding buttons, clasps and hooks. Clothes fell to floor in offering. Her pain was slowly being replaced by need and she keened softly.

* * *

Bates was worried, Mrs. Crawley had seemed distraught. Anna materialized beside him, "How are things?"

"I'm not sure" he murmured and Anna felt a tinge of fright. Her husband was always sure, he always knew what had to be done.

"Did they go to the South Gallery?"

"Yes and she didn't look good." Bates informed.

Just then he was summoned by Carson. Anna saw that others were nearly done with their coffee. If she hurried she could make it to the South Gallery and back before the concert started. The glass door was ajar, they had stepped through in a hurry. Anna knew from memory room they were in. The South Gallery only had two bedrooms. The other rooms housed musical equipment and one had been as a dance conservatory when the girls were younger.

Anna neared the door and heard what sounded like a low wail. The door hadn't been shut all the way and she dared to look in. What she saw had her blushing. Doctor Clarkson looked good for man his age. The scene before her was not for her eyes and she quickly went back the way she came.

* * *

Soon both were clad in only skin both regarded one another, both of them had the markings of age of experience and inexperience. Faint white lines, scars of wounds necessary and unnecessary adorned them both. Her hands roamed appreciatively over him and her eyes found his. Her mouth opened as if to speak but she closed it. Richard nuzzled against her cheek, "I know, I feel it too."

While this encounter would bring Isobel back into the realm of being able to feel it would also solidify their connection to one another. There would be no going back and neither found that they wanted to. Isobel's grief had kept her stuck, unable to move forward and enjoy her life. Each day to her was the same as if she had just heard the news of Matthew's death. She mourned the future that would be without him. What she understood now was that time would pass either way. It would pass with her being miserable or it would pass with her engaging in life!

She remembered Mary's laugh at dinner and it would be her honor to hear it again! It would also be an honor to have this man before her in her bed. For now the bed here in the Abbey would have to do.

In all his years attending to the inhabitants of Downton Abbey he had never envisioned this! Isobel took a step backward and he followed, they were going to…

The practical portion of his mind which normally would be rallying against this type of action was surprisingly silent. All of his mind was focused on the woman in front of him-his woman!

Winding his arm around he drew her flush against him. The soft curves of her body were against his, the scent of her skin seemed to envelope him and his head swam.

The elevation changed for both of them as they seemed to float onto the bed. Richard's left forefinger rose and he drew a line down the center of her face, between the valley of her breasts before coming to a stop at her hips. His fingers were soft against her and she hummed. Steadily growing bolder he touched with more force and the hum became a throaty moan. Richard buried his head between her neck and shoulder the sounds she was making! He needed more of her song and stroked her faster. Hips rose up to meet his hand and it was his turn to groan. It had been so long since he had pleasured a woman. Isobel deserved all of it!

The sensation of pins and needles had finally left her body leaving her with a dull ache which she knew how to alleviate. She beckoned him and he came willingly. His body pushed against hers and she pulled on his shoulders in encouragement. He had been wrong, the fuse was still burning! She moved with him, matching him and he fought for control. Her lips captured his and he could taste the wine on them. There was a growing pressure around his waist and he realized it was her legs! He braced his arms on either side of her head and moved with haste. The fuse reached the charge and both shattered.

* * *

Dame Nellie was beside the piano, her voice rich. Anna sat by her husband her fingers twined with his, each day she loved him more and more. He had helped Joseph Molesley because she was sad. Now he and she had helped Mrs. Crawley and Doctor Clarkson. As his fingers returned the pressure she closed her eyes and surrendered to the music.

* * *

Isobel's chest no longer felt constricted. It was as if she had descended a mountain allowing her to breathe normally. Heartache had been transmuted to Heartsease. Beneath her cheek she could hear the steady rhythm of Richard's heart and she smiled against his skin.

"The concert must be in full swing by now" Isobel mumbled.

"Mmm?" Richard hummed inquisitively.

"Do you mind?" Isobel asked, she knew how he had wanted to hear Dame Nellie.

"MMM-mmm" He replied in the negative he was happy right where he was.

"Neither do I" She laughed amazed that she remembered how to!

They should really get up, they should really go back downstairs, they should... but they didn't.

* * *

With cantata over guests were making their way to their respective rooms. It was easy for John Bates to walk up the stairs unnoticed with a freshly ironed suit in one hand and a pair of polished boots in the other. Anna was beside him and opened the door to the South Gallery. She could see that the door to the bedroom still hadn't been shut and once again she looked in. The occupants in the bed were asleep and quickly the suit and shoes were placed on a chair. Clarkson would know who had left them. The door was shut and Mr. and Mrs. Bates exited the South Gallery.


End file.
